Classic Sherlock Holmes deduction

I have heard a dialogue between Sherlock Holmes and Watson:

Holmes: Ah Watson. I see you have put on your winter underwear.

Watson: Marvellous, Holmes, marvellous! How did you ever deduce that?

Holmes: Well, you have forgotten to put on your trousers.

Life is not a detective story, and you do not have to deduce a thing. Life is before your eyes as clear as the sun and as open as the sky. Just be out of your thinking, disease and open your eyes and nothing is hidden at all. Even the hidden one is not hidden then.

Never suppress any thought

I have heard that someone advertised something for women but with the heading, ONLY FOR MEN, and it is reported that out of ninety thousand women who came across it eighty-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-four read the advertisement.

The other six were blind.

Never suppress any thought, or fight with it. otherwise you will never be without it. Fight it, and you invite it more. Suppress it, and it will be back with double force.

Mulla Nasrudin's cloak falls to the ground with a thump

One day Mulla Nasrudin's wife, hearing a tremendous thump. ran to his room.

Nothing to worry about, said the Mulla. It was only my cloak which fell to the ground.

What! And made a noise like that? asked his wife

Yes - I was inside it at the time, said the Mulla.

Remember always the one who is inside the body. Walking, sitting, eating or doing anything, remember the one who is neither walking nor sitting nor eating. All doing is on the surface and beyond all doing is the being; so be aware of the nondoer in the doing. of the nonmover in the moving.

The death deception

I have heard about a ninety-year-old man who got into a bitter argument with his shoemaker
as to how a pair of shoes should be made.

See here, said the shoemaker, What's the idea of doing so much yapping You are past ninety and there is little chance of your living long enough to wear these shoes out.

The old fellow looked sternly at the shoemaker and said: Apparently you are not aware that statistics prove that very few people die after ninety years of age!

Death is everywhere but everyone deceives himself that it is not for him; this is the greatest and the deepest deception the human mind is capable of; and unless one is constantly aware of this fact
one is bound to be a victim of this deception - because the mind goes on giving very beautiful and logical rationalizations up to the very end.

A egotistical mice

An arrogant elephant looked down contemptuously at a mouse and said: You are just about the puniest little creature I have ever seen.

I am not always like this, squeaked the mouse.

Ego plays a subtle role everywhere - not only in men but in mice also!

Mulla Nasrudin scams a neighbour

Brother, said Mulla Nasrudin to a neighbour, I am collecting to pay the debt of a poor man who cannot meet his obligations.

Very laudable, said the other, and gave him a coin.

Who is this person?

Me, said Nasrudin as he hurried away.

A few weeks later he was at the door again.

I suppose you are calling about a debt, said the non cynical neighbour.

I am.

I suppose someone can't pay a debt and you want a contribution?

That is so.

I suppose it is you who owes the money?

Not this time.

Well, I am glad to hear it. Take this contribution.

Nasrudin pocketed the money.

Just one thing Mulla - what prompts your humanitarian sentiments in this particular case?

Ah, you see...I am the creditor!

Search - and the ego is always somewhere behind. Search - and in every act the ego is the motivation. But if one can find it so and can realize it. So one goes beyond it because the very realization is the going beyond.

Wormicidal whisky

Give me a shot of bourbon and a shot of water - said the obviously heavy drinker to the bartender.

When the order was placed before him on the bar the lush pulled a worm from his pocket and dropped it into the glass of water. After watching it swim around for a few seconds the man drew the worm from the water and dropped it into the whisky. It wriggled briefly, then curled up and died.

You see that? said the lush to the bartender.

It proves that if you keep on drinking whisky you will never have worms.

Man is not a rational animal, but only a rationalizing one; and that is more dangerous than just to be irrational.

An old drunk learns a lesson

Two old drunkards were in the habit of coming together twice a week to the wineseller to get drunk. After years of this one of them died. His old friend came in on the Saturday and they told him his pal had died - that the whisky had been taken into blood circulation and so saturated his blood and his breath that one night before going to bed the old man went to blow out the candle and his breath caught fire and he was burned to death. The other man promptly called for a bible and took all oath that from that time forward he would never blow out another candle in his life!

Man learns by experience!

A man of principle

I have heard that once a priest was consoling a widow. He said feelingly about her dead husband that he was a man of principle.

That he was, sighed the widow. Every Saturday night for these twenty years the poor man would come home and faithfully hand me his pay envelope - that he never missed doing. Of course the envelope was always empty, but mind you, he was loyal to the principle of the thing.

The world is already much too burdened with principles and persons who are men of principles. No more principles are needed.

A buzzard steals Mulla Nasrudin's liver

Mulla Nasrudin was carrying home some liver which he had just bought. In the other hand he held a recipe for liver pie which a friend had given him. Suddenly a buzzard swooped down and carried off the liver.

You fool! shouted Nasrudin. Having the meat is all very well, but what will you do without the recipe?

Polygamous man gets the worst possible punishment

Once a man who had married three wives, was brought before the king of the country for punishment. The king called in his counselors and asked them to devise the worst possible punishment for the offender, even death itself. But they did not order his execution, ruling instead that it would be still worse for him to live with all three wives at the same time. Two weeks later the man committed suicide.

The world itself is a punishment enough, so really there is no need for hell at all.